GAY ANGELS

[plotluck]

[It's the middle of summer and they're stuck house sitting. Their dad is away for the whole month.... Not really that unusual, he's always away on business. And their mom has been gone for a long while now. So it's just him, in charge of taking care of things, and his brother.

And the heat. Noel flops on the couch next to his little brother and groans, passing over a soda. It's already evening but the heat just doesn't let up. It really saps the strength out of Noel, but what it also does is... Well.

It's difficult being a teenager and gay and alone in a house with your brother who is actually really hot and you absolutely should not find attractive because he's your brother, and so as usual Noel slides his eyes away from his brother quickly after passing him the soda. Dinner was about half an hour ago so there's nothing left to do but sort of melt together in this heat.]

It's too hot to live. Revive me when it's November.

Comments

[plotluck]

Just from being a little baby? Isn't that hard?

[There is so much to process here he doesn't know where to start.]

[amurdermostfowl]

I mean, yeah.

[plotluck]

...So you've been in love with me for... How long?

[amurdermostfowl]

[oh. that... kind of disarms him.] Always.

[plotluck]

...Do we not always end up together?

[amurdermostfowl]

...This is the first time since... since the first time.

[plotluck]

...Isn't your punishment too harsh? You said we didn't do anything wrong. [He can't even imagine it but it's kind of horrifying. What if his brother forgot him over and over again?]

[amurdermostfowl]

We didn't. And my punishment is supposed to be lighter than yours. They just... don't understand things like that.

[plotluck]

[He's so mad he doesn't know what to do, pulling Rowan closer. He really doesn't know what to think, this is all very weird and he doesn't remember it but it doesn't occur to him to doubt Rowan, as crazy as it all sounds. And it hurts to think of Rowan being Lonely for so long.] ...Sorry.

[amurdermostfowl]

[?????? he has no sense of perspective anymore] Why are you sorry? I always find you. And we're usually pretty close.

[plotluck]

To leave you lonely for so long.

[amurdermostfowl]

[recordscratch]

[amurdermostfowl]

[HIDES HIS FACE]

[plotluck]

Rowan?

[amurdermostfowl]

It's not... Like that? I already said I always find you, so it's not lonely. I have you.

[It's so infinitely endlessly heartachingly lonely.]

[plotluck]

[Gently hits him upside the back of the head.] Look I obviously don't know a lot but I know when you're full of shit.

[amurdermostfowl]

[fuck. Tries for smooth.]

You seem pretty confident in that given that I've been largely full of shit your entire life?

[plotluck]

Yeah well, when you look really pathetically lonely when I mention it it's hard to miss.

[amurdermostfowl]

[holds his expression for a few moments, then just kind of. deflates.]

... I've thought for a long time that it must have just been a fluke, that you ever loved me. I've always been there. Always. It's a rare life that I don't make it to your side. And sometimes it seems like it could just be that you don't like men, but I'm not always a man, either. Sometimes it seems like I'm just so close to having your love, and I just.... Don't.

Sometimes I wonder if what you felt back then was even love, or if you just didn't understand and were humoring me.

[plotluck]

[That sounds... So lonely and depressing and maddening. It really makes his heart ache.] ...I can't really speak for other lifetimes or anything, but I can't imagine not loving you. I love you right now so much it kind of hurts sometimes, so the idea of you being lonely next to me... If you're just going to have to do this again, make me fall in love with you from now on. Don't wait for me to show it, be selfish. If you hadn't caught me saying your name this time... [Would this be another lonely lifetime for Rowan? Probably. Noel wouldn't have ever said anything.]

[amurdermostfowl]

But I can't do that, Noel. For the same reason you brought up before. You have to love me without that kind of grooming, or else I'm just a monster for taking advantage of you.

[plotluck]

Aren't I telling you it's fine? Anyway if you're concerned just wait until I'm old enough then seduce me or whatever. The idea of you being alone all the time really sucks.

[amurdermostfowl]

Honestly I'm not gonna take you saying it's fine to heart when you're a teenager, Noel.

[plotluck]

So is it fine if I tell you the same thing when I'm eighty? I don't really know how this works, but if I loved you before I lost my memories isn't it fine to just assume I'll keep loving you? When does this punishment end?

[amurdermostfowl]

Maybe when you're eighty. But it's more complicated than that. Falling in love with someone isn't the sort of thing that guess you between lives, I think. It's more on the nurture side of nature and nurture.

And there is no set end to it.